Habitual self-image is one limiting factor you can work on. Working on self-image involves redefining yourself. Another limiting factor is self-worth. Working on self-worth involves changing what you value. Our self-worth constantly becomes tied up in our performance. If we want to improve, we need to test ourselves on challenging climbs, but a diet of challenging climbs will yield plenty of performances that fall short of our aspirations. Poor performances can make us feel like “failures.” Many people lose effectiveness in their climbing (and other aspects of life) by tying their self-worth to how they are performing. All of us have experienced this to some degree at some time, and many of us feel it constantly. If we are climbing well, we feel good, not just about our climbing but about ourselves. After a “good” day on the crags, we might be confident, upbeat, and self-assured in all our affairs for days afterwards. Conversely, a “bad” day can make us feel down and unsure not just about our climbing but even our jobs, relationships, or our optimism for future happiness. In short, climbing rewards or punishes us, as if we were naïve children and climbing was our parent. Authentic self-worth comes from an internal value system, not from simple achievement. Self-worth comes from the positive results of your effort. Instead of simply falling into this habitual self-worth mindset, analyze it. Focus your attention on it. Discover its logic, or lack thereof. In the light of consciousness, its hold on you will begin to break down. You will see that external achievement is not the root of anything really valuable that we can derive from a climbing challenge. So what is? What can we take away and really use? The answer: learning. Hard climbs push us out of our comfort zone, and once in the unknown, we can learn. Often, in the midst of the challenge, we push ourselves in ways we didn’t know possible, gaining knowledge that we can’t lose. And, if our effort is strong and creative, we can gain that knowledge regardless of the outcome of the climb. Achievement may or may not be the result of an effort, but the essential payoff of the experience is learning. If, on the other hand, the self-worth you derive from your climbing is based on what you learn during the experience, then you are less concerned about the outcome of your efforts and able to focus more on the effort itself. What really matters when facing a challenge? What matters is learning. You want to test yourself, throw yourself into something outside your comfort zone and see what you’re capable of. Your true goal is not to conquer fifty feet of inanimate rock, but to expand your abilities through learning. With a focus on learning, awareness improves. The Rock Warrior's Way: Mental Training for Climbers In a way, psychology is entirely a discipline of self-improvement; it helps us analyze our thoughts, actions, and motivations to learn how we can avoid misjudgments. In self-improvement, psychology helps us step outside of ourselves and view our thoughts and actions from a third-person perspective. I learned once that there are people who act, and people who are acted upon, meaning that some people control the trajectory of their lives (carpe diem!) and others let life happen to them . If you want to achieve extraordinary things, begin with the ordinary. Psychological research confirms the principle that small, proximal goals are more effective than long-term (distal) goals. The study illustrated a simple principle—to accomplish big things, set small proximal goals that will help us work toward our larger goal. The grandiose goals are often too daunting for us to even attempt them, unless we shift our perspective and ask, “What’s the first step to achieving this?” Create a manageable first step, and we’ll be on the right track. How often do we have an important, somewhat unexpected idea pop into our heads, but we dismiss it without taking action. For me, these ideas arrive with a bang. I think, “I should do that!” But then I hesitate, allowing myself to debate the issue for a few minutes until all the momentum has worn off. The Nike principle no room for debate and indecision. Don’t wait; just do it. When the opportunity arrives, take it, and that’s a lesson we should all try to apply to our own goals. If you commit to doing something specific at a future time, you’ll be more likely to do it. You make a decision about something long before the moment of decision arrives. If you do something well (even just ONE thing) people will ask you to do it again. Boost: Create Good Habits Using Psychology and Technology While coming to grips with my new reality wasn’t easy, and at times I couldn’t help but wonder—why did this happen to me?—I had to take responsibility for getting my life back. Instead of complaining about how things should be, I embraced how things were. I stopped putting energy into wishing my life were any different—into wishing bad things didn’t happen to me—and instead focused 100% on making the best of what I had. Since I couldn’t change the past, I focused on moving forward. I dedicated my life to fulfilling my potential and achieving my dreams so I could discover how to empower others to do the same. And, as a result of choosing to be genuinely grateful for all that I had, unconditionally accepting of all that I didn’t, and accepting total responsibility for creating all that I wanted, this potentially devastating car accident ultimately became one of the best things that ever happened to me. Hinging on my belief that everything happens for a reason—but that it is our responsibility to choose the most empowering reasons for the challenges, events and circumstances of our lives—I used my accident to fuel a triumphant comeback. The degree to which you accept responsibility for everything in your life is precisely the degree of personal power you have to change or create anything in your life. Know that wherever you are in your life right now is both temporary, and exactly where you are supposed to be. You have arrived at this moment to learn what you must learn, so you can become the person you need to be to create the life you truly want. Even when life is difficult or challenging—especially when life is difficult and challenging—the present is always an opportunity for us to learn, grow, and become better than we’ve ever been before. You are in the process of writing your life story, and no good story is without a hero or heroine overcoming their fair share of challenges. The good news is that you have the ability to change—or create—anything in your life, starting right now The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM) Read over the list of rules below. Try a few of them on for size. Add to the list your own personal rules. Write these rules on note cards and put them where you can see them every day. 1 If it frightens you, do it. 2 Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for. 3 Put yourself first. 4 No matter what happens, you will handle it. 5 Whatever you do, do it 100%. 6 If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. 7 You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. 8 Ask for what you want. 9 If what you are doing isn't working, try something different. 10 Be clear and direct. 11 Learn to say "no." 12 Don't make excuses. 13 If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules. 14 Let people help you. 15 Be honest with yourself. 16 Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever. 17 Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change. 18 Don't tolerate the intolerable — ever. 19 Stop blaming. Victims never succeed. 20 Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it. 21 Accept the consequences of your actions. 22 Be good to yourself. 23 Think "abundance." 24 Face difficult situations and conflict head on. 25 Don't do anything in secret. 26 Do it now. 27 Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want. 28 Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong. 29 Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences. 30 Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen. It is time to start getting what you want. Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome will allow you to discover your true passion and potential. By taking responsibility for creating the kind of life you really want, you can become all that you were meant to be. No More Mr Nice Guy |
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