If there’s a definition of freedom, I think it’s this: living life on your terms. And Werner was the freest man I’ve known. I miss him terribly. Outside the cottage, rain. I close my eyes, listen to it, and imagine him sitting across from me. “I’m sorry, man,” I say.
“Ah,” he waves his hand at me. Smiling. “Let it go.” We’re both quiet for a little bit. “Reach out to Siv once in a while,” he says, “and Ice.” Siv, his wife. Ice, his dog. Rain picks up, drums on the roof. He smiles, slow. “But they’ll be gone too.” Long pause. “And you. Life, it is quick.” Life is long, a chain of intertwining moments, looping round and round. But life is short. Blinks. Memories. Connections. Then you’re gone. The truth: I live my days as if I will live forever. Putting off so much, expecting there to be more time, another chance. If I accepted my mortality to my core, never knowing when the chain snaps, then how would I live? More on my terms. A free man. I’d write more, I’d love more, I’d laugh more. Can I succeed at it, this way of living? I don’t know. But I will remind myself daily: I am mortal. I will feel gratitude for it. For another opportunity to be here, to live and love and hurt and play and create and make good and bad decisions. Life. I have a hunch that my journey, however long it plays out, shall be better for it. Thank you, Werner Live Your Truth Minimalism is a tool used to rid yourself of life’s excess in favor of focusing on what’s important so you can find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom.
Minimalists search for happiness not through things, but through life itself. If we simply stopped to question our continuous consumption, we’d find that most of the stuff we think we need isn’t even close to necessary. In fact, life would be much simpler, and perhaps even easier and certainly more rewarding, without many of the possessions we think we need. Minimalism itself is far more concerned with living intentionally, living elegantly through simplicity, living purposefully while enjoying the material possessions you own without giving those possessions too much significance. 20/20 Theory Anything we get rid of that we need later, we can replace for less than $20 and in less than 20 minutes from our current location. Thus far, this theory has held true 100% of the time. Although we’ve rarely had to replace a just in case item (less than five times this year for the two of us combined), we’ve never had to pay more than $20 or go more than 20 minutes out of our way to replace the item. This theory likely works 99% of the time for 99% of all items and 99% of all people. Including you. Simplicity: Essays What do people struggle with the most when it comes to connecting with others and building a network?
Asking. Nobody ever wants to ask—at every level, with every kind of person, from the CEO all the way down. I think people get very narrow-minded, thinking that they can only reach out to people who are already doing a similar type of job. But the underlying network science says that it’s all about weak links. Those people who are the friend of a friend of a friend. That’s a much more likely place for something important to happen to you than your inner circle of close friends and colleagues. If you don’t ask, you’ll never get. Sure, you may only get a little bit at a time. But if you don’t ask, 100 percent of the time you won’t get. You’ve just got to get over yourself. We live in a connection economy. If you can’t connect with people for them to understand what you have to offer, you’re working in a vacuum and you’re going to lose out. You end up getting bitter in that situation, because you see your peers are moving up and doing things, and you say, “I could be doing those things. Why not me?” It’s very easy to think that somebody knows you. And that if they know you, they will think about calling you, or asking you, or wanting you for something. But people forget. I was a headhunter for many years, and I was always amazed because easily 20 percent of the time, the final person who was hired was well-known to the client. (They just hadn’t thought about them.) That means that, for every five people you know, one is likely to have an impact on you or hire you—that should make you want to expand your circle. Building a network is like cultivating a botanical garden: You don’t want everyone in your network to be one color or one species. You want a variety of ages and stages and professions and passions, and to tend them carefully. Look at the people whom you admire most in your field. And literally map it out. Here are the four people that are doing great work at the organizations I respect. And just reach out. If you decided to contact one person a week, that would be fifty-two new people in a year. And it starts with that, just reaching out to someone because you admire their work, or are inspired by it. I’ve never met a person, no matter how well-known, who hasn’t been flattered by an authentic compliment. Professional love letters work. Maximize Your Potential: Grow Your Expertise, Take Bold Risks & Build an Incredible Career (The 99U Book Series) Your best chance of bouncing back, sorting it out, and getting things rocking again lies in the practice of social contracting, a discipline that management thinker Peter Block introduced in his terrific book Flawless Consulting.
But to make it easier, here are five fundamental questions to ask and answer. You don’t need to ask them all. I’m sure you’ll find your own best combination for the person and the situation. Just make sure you ask some of them before things get rolling. You’ll want to remember that any good contract is a mutual exchange. So don’t be fooled into thinking that your job is just to ask the questions. You need to be willing to answer them as well, so you and your collaborator both know where you each might stumble. What do you want? (Here’s what I want.) This is a question that almost always stops people in their tracks. It’s deceptively difficult to answer and incredibly powerful when you can define clearly what exactly it is you want from this relationship. Of course you’ll want to articulate the transactional nature of things: I want you to get this done and get that completed. But see if you can go beyond that. What else do you want? (“I want this to position me for my next promotion.”) What else would make this relationship one to truly value? (“I want this to lay the foundations of future work together. Where might you need help? (Here’s where I’ll need help.) This turns the “What do you want?” question over and comes at it from a different angle. You might want to specify where you’ll trip yourself up (bold), how you might fall short in the relationship (bolder), or even how you might get in the way (boldest). When you had a really good working relationship in the past, what happened? (Here’s what happened for me.) Tell a story of a time when you were in a working relationship similar to this one, and it was good, really good. What did they do? What did you do? What else happened? What were the key moments when the path divided and you took one road and not the other? What else contributed to its success? When things go wrong, what does that look like on your end? How do you behave? (Here’s how I behave.) Tell another story, this time of when a working relationship like this one failed to soar. It might be when it all went hellishly wrong or it might be when it disintegrated into mediocrity. What did you do and what did they do? Where were the missed opportunities? Where were the moments when things got broken? When things go wrong—as they inevitably will—how shall we manage that? The power in this is twofold. First, you’re acknowledging reality: Things will go wrong. Honeymoons end. Promises get broken. Expectations don’t get met. By putting that on the table, you’re able now to discuss what the plan will be when it does go wrong. I’ve done everything from creating a code phrase (“I need to have an ‘off my chest’ conversation with you…”) to inventing a process (“I’m hitting the Mission Pause button”), to simply agreeing that we have permission to talk about things when we feel we must. Maximize Your Potential: Grow Your Expertise, Take Bold Risks & Build an Incredible Career (The 99U Book Series) Each day, I meditate for seven minutes. Why seven minutes? Because I put on a piece of music that I like, one that is soothing and calm, piano and flute, one that I associate good feelings with, and it happens to be seven minutes long.
I sit with my back against a wall, put on my headphones, listen to the music, and imagine galaxies and stars and the Universe above, and I imagine all the light from space flowing into my head and down into my body, going wherever it needs to go. I breathe slowly, naturally. As I inhale, I think, I love myself. Then I exhale and let out whatever the response in my mind and body is, whether there is one or not. That's it. Simple. Instructions Step 1: Put on music. Something soothing, gentle, preferably instrumental. A piece you have positive associations with. Step 2: Sit with back against wall or window. Cross legs or stretch them out, whatever feels natural. Step 3: Close eyes. Smile slowly. Imagine a beam of light pouring into your head from above. Step 4: Breathe in, say to yourself in your mind, I love myself. Slowly. Be gentle with yourself. Step 5: Breathe out and along with it, anything that arises. Any thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, fears, hopes, desires. Or nothing. Breathe it out. No judgment, no attachment to anything. Be kind to yourself. Step 6: Repeat 4 and 5 until the music ends. (When your attention wanders, notice it and smile. Smile at it as if it's a child doing what a child does. And with that smile, return to your breath. Step 4, step 5. Mind wanders, notice, smile kindly, return to step 4, step 5). Step 7: When music ends, open your eyes slowly. Smile. Do it from the inside out. This is your time. This is purely yours. Why music? Since I listen to the same piece each time, it now acts as an anchor, easily pulling me into a meditative state. A crutch perhaps, but a nice one. Do this meditation consistently. Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It You can hear awesome if you put your ear against the door. You know awesome is just on the other side. But the great misconception is that you need a key to open the door. You don’t. The door is unlocked. You just need to turn the knob and walk through it. That’s the first secret about purpose. The door has been open the whole time. Push the door open and take the next step into awesome. The second secret about purpose is that it usually finds you. Purpose is attracted to motion. Purpose is attracted to momentum. Purpose loves to surprise you mid-stride. Very rarely will it greet you on your front doorstep. More often than not, you’ll encounter purpose in the middle of the road when you least expect it. So start. The door has always been open. But I must warn you. The moment you decide, “I’m going to live with purpose today instead of trying to find my purpose someday,” you’ll be tempted to look for shortcuts. Now that you are free to start down the path of Learning, you may want to turn that freedom into a license to jump ahead. Don’t. It never works out.
I’ve never met a farmer who was surprised by his crops. Who stood on a front porch, in overalls I’m assuming, and stared out at a crop of blood oranges when he clearly remembered planting soybeans. If you work hard, you tend to expect results. If you decide that you’ll spend ten hours a week on your path to expertise instead of twenty, you’ll get there slower than someone who owns the twenty and gets down to business. Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters Timidity is the mind-set that says you’re too weak, too small, and too unimportant to be deserving of real power. Who are you to live a meaningful life? You’re just one insignificant person among billions. This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In reality, you’re so powerful that you’re actually turning your own strength against your-self, temporarily rendering yourself weak. You’re like a god who declares, “Let me be powerless.” And that’s exactly what happens. Timidity causes you to settle for puny, empty goals that don’t in-spire you—assuming you even set goals at all. You perform meaningless work that doesn’t matter to you, live in a place you don’t care for, and settle for disempowering relationships with other weak-minded people who regard you as another warm body for their pity parties. Mean-while, your true self is practically screaming at you, but you drown its voice with idle entertainment, junk food, and other distractions.
You weren’t meant to live hiding under a rock. That isn’t you. You’re selling yourself short, grossly underestimating your true capabilities. This is your reality, and you’re responsible for it. Stop trying to live in denial of that fact, and face up to it. You didn’t come here to spend your life obsessing over trivialities. Wake up and take a good look at yourself and admit, “This is garbage. I can do better than this!” Start listening to that powerful being inside you for once. It won’t steer you wrong. Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth Understand that you can only take action in the present moment, and you can only enjoy your results in the present as well. You can’t accomplish or experience anything in the past or future because you’re never there. When people learn about goal setting, they often set goals in violation of this fact. It’s difficult to achieve something that’s based on an inaccurate model of reality—such a goal will surely be an uphill struggle. The purpose of goal setting isn’t to control the future.
The point of goal setting is to improve the quality of your present-moment reality. Setting goals can give you greater clarity and focus right now. When you set a goal that improves your present reality, what does it matter how long it takes to achieve the final outcome? Whether it takes one week or five years is irrelevant. The whole path is fun and enjoyable. Whenever you set goals, you can envision a path of sacrifice and suffering by focusing on the illusion of the future, or you can allow the goal to inject your present reality with excitement, enthusiasm, and motivation. Even though it seems like you’re setting goals for the future, you’re really doing so for the present. The better you understand this, the more easily you’ll achieve what you set out to do. If you adopt this mind-set, you’ll soon learn to set different kinds of goals. If your goals look great on paper but don’t fill you with desire and motivation when you focus on them, they’re worthless. Don’t settle for wimpy goals you aren’t passionate about. Effort If you want to turn your desires into reality, at some point you must take action. When you set goals that truly inspire you, you’ll feel naturally motivated to take action. You’ll work hard, but it won’t seem like hard work because you’ll be so inspired. For the most part, you’ll just be doing what you love to do. When you focus single-mindedly on what you want, you’ll begin to notice new resources appearing in your life. If you don’t take action, however, those resources will dry up, and you’ll be no closer to your goals. Self-Discipline Self-discipline is another one of those dirty words. We’re told to take it easy. Go with the flow. Don’t sweat it. The myth of fast and easy pervades modern society. This may convince you to buy a lot of junk you don’t need, but it isn’t an effective way to run your life if fulfillment and success matter to you. Self-discipline is the willingness to do what it takes to achieve the results you want regardless of your mood. Motivation starts the race, but self-discipline ultimately crosses the finish line. Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth Here’s the truth: You will work harder at something you love than at something you like. You will work harder than you have ever worked when you start chasing a dream. You will hustle and grind and sweat and push and pull. You will get up earlier and go to bed later. But that’s okay. Know why? Joy is an incredible alarm clock. It will wake you up and keep you up and pick you up and gently pull you through a thousand rejections along the way. If your goal is to work less, stay on the road to average. Do something you just kind of like. Settle into life like a long winter’s nap and coast on through to your 80s. But if you want to dream—if you want to live out some unique talent you’ve been given to steward during your time on this planet—get used to 4 a.m. alarms. Get going. Get up.
Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters To interrupt this cycle, some organizational leaders urge their employees to “assume positive intent,” that is, to imagine that the behavior or words of your colleagues are motivated by good intentions, even when their actions seem objectionable at first glance. This “filter” can be extremely powerful. Indra Nooyi, the chairman and CEO of PepsiCo, cited it to Fortune as the best advice she ever received. (She learned it from her father.)
She said, “When you assume negative intent, you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed.… You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, ‘Maybe they are saying something to me that I’m not hearing. This simple technique of considering the opposite has been shown, across multiple studies, to reduce many otherwise thorny cognitive biases. That’s why we are advocating so strongly in this book for the use of a process, something that becomes habitual. Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work |
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