NLP, Steve Andreas and Chris Faulkner
NLP: The New Technology of Achievement
Everything you do is the product of a mental habit
My mind is a laboratory (I like this, we forget our mind is malleable and can be changed, everything that can be tested should be tested (Taleb)).
You can change how you think. Remember this, repeat it until you truly internalize it.
Always think; What do I need to know in order to make this decision? What are the major benefits, and how do I quantify them?
“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” William James
Isolates = smallest units of behavior.
Associated = in the action
Disassociated = separate and watching the action distantly or apart
Our brains simply do not know how to put things into negative language. Saying “don’t think” automatically makes us think of it. In order for our brains to not think of something, our brains have to think it. Instead of saying what you don’t want to do or what you don’t want to think about, think about what you do want to think about.
1. Make what you want to do and what you think into a positive statement
2. Increase the mental vividness of what you want to do in order to make it more attractive to you.
3. Associate into these successful behaviours and mentally rehearse them so they feel natural.
NLP suppositions ( people work perfectly);
- the map is not the territory - our mental map of the world is nt the world and can be changed
- experience has structure - thoughts and memories have a pattern to them - we can change the pattern and change the experience
- if one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it
- mind and body are parts of the same system
- people already have all the resources they need
- you cannot not communicate
- the meaning of your communication is the response you get
- underlying every behavior is a positive intention
- people are always making the best choices available to them
- if what you are doing isn’t working, do something else, do anything else
For the map is not the territory - as you go through time, the map and the world start to separate.
You can take an old situation, something you feel bad about, and restructure it, change the background, put music to it, put a frame on it, and you can change it by conveying the opposite feeling is conveyed.
Every image, sound, or feeling is a resouce somewhere for something.
Talent is simply a set of resources that have been combined, sequenced, and practiced until they become automatic skill.
Circle of confidence - imagine a time when you were in the zone and relive it mentally, capture it in a circle and think that circle when the feeling is needed.
Use mentoring - basically modeling on successful examples of what you want to accomplish
How people think about something makes the crucial difference in how they will experience it.
Read up on Dr. Milton H. Erickson, MD - founder of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. Master of hypnosis, he could induce a profound trance just by telling stories.
There are 2 types of motivation, away from problems and towards things or goals we want. People have a tendency to only follow one, but that does not work well. (You have to do both.) Going away from problems has 3 things to watch; You move away from something because there is discomfort but the further from it you get , the less motivation you keep, so you go back and forth, hot and cold, it is inconsistent. Because you are going away from something you often do not pay attention to where you are going or how you will end up. Kind of a “out of the frying pan into the fire” kind of thing.
Away from people often experience a lot of worry and stress to make a move, usually a lot more than needed or is healthy.
People are always trying to make the best choices available to them and behind every behavior is a positive intention. Check people and watch them, do they seek goals or are they avoiding problems?
Always end comments positive - start with what to avoid, and end with the goal.;
First state what you don’t want, then state what you do want.
Values matter. What we value determines what life means to us, what actions we will take, what we will move toward or away from.
When people become disconnected from their values their motivation goes away.
Questions to ask;
What are my goals?
What is important to me?
What is important about this goal?
What do I value or treasure about this goal?
What meaning does this goal have for me?
Values measure the meaning life holds for us. Values influence motivation, if you don’t have strong values, you have little motivation.
If you have strong values, you have strong motivation.
NLP: The New Technology of Achievement
1. Imagine a strongly motivated experience, something you really liked. See it clearly.
2. Take a breath and look around.
3, Imagine something not exciting you care about
4. Take a breath
5. Compare the differences you feel are elements your brain uses to indicate value to you.
Imagine a valuable task you want to do but you don’t do
Think about why you don’t do it
Think about the end result if you do.
Now use the elements from above to change how you think about the result./ Can also be used in opposite by imagining what you are trying to avoid.
Remember to use and utilize an away from motivation strategy to move towards what you want.
New Behavior Generator
See yourself a short distance away and you are watching yourself from inside a bubble. Watch the other you learn and do the task you want to do. Watch yourself feel good as you do it, and adjust when it does not feel right. Once done, merge the two values.
Determine your motivation direction - away or toward.
What are others’ directions and use them to improve them?
What values do you have and how can they influence you?
Phase way from and toward motivation for the best results.
Use sub modalities of your thinking to change and increase your motivation.
Learn how to be more positively motivated towards.
Developing a grand vision
- set your interests/ values/ abilities
- focus on Heroes/ role models
- direct a mind movie of yourself
- recall your deepest values
- ask for help from your heroes wisdom ( read biographies - contact them)
- do what it takes
Finding a specific direction for your grand vision
- make a proposal - create an image in your minds eye
- add special effects - add music / lighting to images
- formulate a sentence that sums up your vision in a phrase
- include values/ principles
- feel the feeling
- step into the mission's direction/ take the next step
- persist - keep cycling through it
Align yourself with the Mission
· question yourself - do your actions match your vision and direction/ why not?
· negotiate with the parts of yourself that object - find a way to meet it
· remember your time here is finite, do not live a life less than you want
· find reasons to continue
We earn a living by the money we make, but we make a life by the services we provide.
Mission oriented goals are worth achieving and lead to meaningful action, and those action lead to a meaningful life
Discovering your mission; a mission is a sense of purpose that lures you into your future. It unifies your beliefs, actions, and your sense of who you are.
Go back in time to when you were small and everyone was big, and you are learning all the time. Words every day, new things, new wiring, remember you have 15 billion brain cells and you can hear 1600 frequencies, your eyes can see a single photon - these abilities can be applied to learn in many ways. Now picture yourself as a system of functional capabilities unrivaled in the known universe.
You are a learning machine
NLP: The New Technology of Achievement
Finding your Passion
- tap inner excitement - what is it you do that you love so much you would do for free
- Know your passions/ desires/ loves
- Focus on those people you admire - why and how
Be true to yourself
make everyday a masterpiece
drink deeply from books
make friendship an art
build a shelter against a rainy day
pray for guidance
Think of some of your interests, determine your values/ principles, list the values - they must be your deepest values, what is the one deepest value?
3 ways to find values
1. When someone violates them and you are upset
2. Something makes you happy
3. Deep inner thought/ meditation
Utilizing your favorite hero/ heroine aka role model
1. Think of one who excites you
2. See a particular goal - think of a goal they did that they accomplished by living and doing what they did. Make a mental movie.
3. Step into the role - put yourself into their place, make it yours, really feel it.
4. Question yourself -
what are my motives?
why did doing this accomplish that goal and why did I choose to do it?
how does pursuing this goal make me feel?
how does this goal fit into my larger mission?
5. become yourself again.
Read biographies of your favorite achievers.
Roles are important
Your mission determines your roles, and your roles determine your goals.
" For example, a person may read a lot. However, if that person does not have an identity as a writer, he or she is not likely to learn to write by reading. A person who strongly believes " I am a writer" reads in a very different way from someone who does not share that identity. A person with a writer role notices different things than a nonwriter. A writer reads not only to get the information, a writer reads to learn how to refine the skills of his or her own writing." NLP, Steve Andreas and Chris Faulkner
Life roles - 4 primary types; individual, work, personal or family, citizen
Ex: artist, athlete, creator, discoverer, friend to self, hero, hunter, leader, learner, magician, meditator, sage, saint, warrior.
Your mission will require many different roles.
Knowing what you want is fundamental
If it is useful to go through a series of questions to make sure your goals are worth having.
Well Formed Goal Conditions - Select a Specific Goal
The way you think about your goal makes a big difference - you can think of it in a way that makes it easy to achieve or in a way to make it almost impossible. It is your choice, and in your head.
Make sure your goal is what you want and not just what you think you should do, or what others want, it has to be yours.
Changing your language, how you say what it is you want, makes a big difference, so change from stating what you don't want to what you do.
Make sure your goal is stated in a way that you can get it yourself, no matter what other people do. Your goal must depend on you and not on others.
Ex. If a goal is I want my boss to stop criticizing me - that requires your boss to change which is not in your control and it leaves you vulnerable and dependent. Instead - what can I do, or experience that will allow me to remain resourceful, no matter what my boss thinks.
How will you know when you have achieved your goal?
Make sure you decide how you will know you have met your goal and insure the time line is not long. Better short goals for feedback and encouragement.
You want to make sure you think about when you do and when you don't want your goal. It is easier to achieve your goal when you are careful about where, when, and with whom it is appropriate.
Make sure your goal fits into the ecology of your life so it does not become one sided.
Goals you will make the rest of your life.
1. Set the stage
2. See yourself in the future in your chosen role
3. Make your goal well formed
· goal is positive - it is what to do
· you want to do the goal, not should
· you are the one doing it - not someone else
· you can do it - it is not impossible
· the goal is specific - not general
· the goal is ecological - if achieved it is positive
Make your image compelling, notice the pathway.
Developing a Plan
- visit your goal
- see the future
- see the past
- walk the pathway
- notice the steps to the goal
- go to the present
- appreciate the goal
Taking Action on Your Goals;
1. Assign a realistic completion date
2. Schedule the steps
3. Keep an eye on the mission/ progress
4. Do it - persist.
Creating Rapport and Strong Relationships:
Other people are the most valuable resource we have. Networks matter. 83% of all sales are predicted on the customer liking the salesman. Successful people know how to make relationships last.
You are not in the business of selling - you are in the business of relationships
3 Steps to build relationships;
- determine mutually satisfying goals
- establish and maintain nonverbal support
- produce positive feelings in others
- Choose a goal
- Identify goal image ( visualization)
- Decide on the people involved
- Define how those people relate to the goal
- future planning
Success goes to those who think of their customer's goals before their own
Long term thinking is important.
If you don't have rapport, you simply will not be effective with other people.
When you feel uncomfortable talking to someone, you are out of sync, then you are not in rapport
2 ways to think of rapport;
First is to intentionally build rapport whenever you talk to someone
Second is to assume you have rapport and watch to insure it is not lost.
When you don't have rapport with someone, you are acting differently then they are so the way to regain rapport is to become more similar. Matching occurs naturally in rapport, but also can be actively used to establish and increase rapport.
You can match any behavior you observe, postures, facial expressions, tone, rhythm
Practice voice matching. Don't square off unless you want to keep your distance, instead go in alignment facing the same direction.
You can always develop emotional rapport
NLP presupposes that the other person wants to deal positively with you, even when yelling, and if you match, you can communicate.
Decide what emotional states you want associated with yourself.
NLP: The New Technology of Achievement