We live in a world of circles.
Every person we know expects us to be a certain person. They assign expectations for us and to our actions. They see us in a certain way, and they see us as a certain person. These people in our life have a concept of who they expect us to be, and of who we are allowed to be, and exactly what they expect us to do and say and believe. Each person defines a circle of behavior for us based on who they think we are.
These expectations are circles that limit our world. We cannot do anything, if we have to adhere to certain expectations. When we walk out a door, any door, we then can go in any direction, there are no real rules, but we often go the way we do, based on expectations.
Every person assigns us a list of acceptable and expected actions that we can do, and we cannot break that circle without causing disruption in to other people's lives. People love consistency, and do not like us to act inconsistent or different than their perception.
It makes people very nervous to truly know the world is not consistent.
As the number of people we know expands, and the number of circles we are given and bound grows, the number of circles we become locked in grows also. Sometimes the beliefs and circles overlap, but sometimes they do not, and there is conflict.
If we try and please everyone, and meet all the expectations of all the circles, we find ourselves unable to move, or to be ourselves, and we are then locked in a myriad of rings of expectations of others.
They now define you more than you define you.
Be open about what you do, who you are, your inconsistencies, as it makes the expectations of others match what you want to do.
Be aware of the circles, and do not lock yourself in them if they do not match who you are.
I read somewhere that the more you let people know about you, then the more they can control you. This is true in some ways, but actually it is the unreal expectations that try and pin you down. Pick carefully which circles matter to you, and be transparent in your actions.
The fewer circles you are locked in, the better. Freedom of action is critical to living.
The goal is to remember you have your own set of expectations, and your own personal circle of choice.
You want to pick those other circles that matter to you, that match your circle of belief or actions, that complement your actions, add to them, and that will make them better.
“We all are learning, modifying, or destroying ideas all the time. Rapid destruction of your ideas when the time is right is one of the most valuable qualities you can acquire. You must force yourself to consider arguments on the other side.
— Charles T. Munger”
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