Every goal I ever achieved, or came close to achieving, was simply the answer to a question I was obsessively asking myself.

Questions have the power to shift your focus instantly and fill you with energy and inspiration. The first thing you need to do is identify the questions you are currently asking yourself. Which questions consume you on a daily basis? Are they productive? If not, change your questions. You control the questions you ask.

Use questions to stay focused on your new direction in life. Throughout the day, ask yourself, “What is my purpose?” “What are my core priorities?” and “What is my story?” Avoid distractions by asking, “What is the most important thing I can do right now?” and “Will this matter in a year from now?” Stay positive by asking, “What’s great about this situation right now?” Use quality questions to get quality answers and quality results.


Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Can Create a Powerful Purpose for Their Lives

Less but better. A more fitting definition of Essentialism would be hard to come by.

The way of the Essentialist is the relentless pursuit of less but better. It doesn’t mean occasionally giving a nod to the principle. It means pursuing it in a disciplined way.

It is about pausing constantly to ask, “Am I investing in the right activities?

Only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter.

There are far more activities and opportunities in the world than we have time and resources to invest in. And although many of them may be good, or even very good, the fact is that most are trivial and few are vital. The way of the Essentialist involves learning to tell the difference—learning to filter through all those options and selecting only those that are truly essential.

Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.

The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the nonessentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage. In other words, Essentialism is a disciplined, systematic approach for determining where our highest point of contribution lies, then making execution of those things almost effortless.


Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

When you truly know what you want, and that what you want is worth having, you’ll find all your internal resources aligning.

The interesting thing about the mind is that if you take a brain and cut it open, you can’t find the mind. You can’t find a poem or the taste of chocolate or the feeling of a first kiss or the music from the prom dance. All you find is a bunch of nerve tissue. The nerve tissue in your brain acts as a substrate. It’s almost like your computer. It acts like your hard drive or your motherboard, and basically it’s designed to store various bits of data and to assemble, reassemble, and rearrange them and call them up whenever you want.


When people do things that are not good for them—and it doesn’t matter whether it’s biting their fingernails or committing serial murders—they are doing what they are doing because some part of them thinks it’s essential. A part of them believes that it’s necessary for survival, for their well-being. While some behaviors may not be sane, healthy, or anything most people would condone, it’s important to understand that in that individual’s worldview, in their mind, that behavior is absolutely necessary.

The two things I’d like you to hold in mind are that there is no such thing as an inner enemy and that behind every behavior is a positive intention.

Your mind—as well as everybody else’s mind—is operating the best way it currently knows how. It may be wrong and it may need an adjustment, simply because most brains decide how to operate when people are four or five years old.

Understanding that we all live in and operate from a personal model of reality is the key to making our lives better serve us.


NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Fear is recorded at the cellular level. 


It is a memory of every seemingly life-threatening experience they ever had. It was born of a time of absolute dependency and helplessness. It originated in not having their needs met in a timely, judicious manner. It was fostered by fearful systems that discouraged risk and rewarded conservatism. It was heightened by the reality that life is messy and chaotic and any kind of change promises a journey into the unknown. 

I call this kind of fear, Memory Fear.

Because of the memory fear created in childhood, Nice Guys still approach the world as if it is dangerous and overpowering. To cope with these realities, Nice Guys typically hunker down and play it safe. As a consequence of playing it safe, Nice Guys experience a lot of needless suffering.

Suffering because they avoid new situations. Suffering because they stay with the familiar. Suffering because they procrastinate, avoid, and fail to finish what they start. Suffering because they make a bad situation worse by doing more of what has never worked in the past. Suffering because they expend so much energy trying to control the uncontrollable.

No matter what happened, he would handle it. The following week, Nolan proudly announced that he had contacted an attorney. Even though he felt tremendous fear and anxiety, he found courage in repeating his new found mantra: "I can handle it."

Facing present day fears is the only way to overcome memory fear. Every time the Nice Guy confronts a fear, he unconsciously creates a belief that he can handle whatever it is he is afraid of. This challenges his memory fear. Challenging this memory fear makes the things outside of him seem less threatening. As these things seem less frightening, he feels more confident in confronting them. The more this confidence grows, the less threatening life seems.

List one fear that has been controlling your life. Once you decide to confront the fear, begin repeating to yourself, "I can handle it. No matter what happens, I will handle it." Keep repeating this mantra until you take action and stop feeling fear.


No More Mr Nice Guy

A paradigm is the road map we use to navigate life's journey. Everyone uses these road maps and everyone assumes the map they are using is up-to-date and accurate.

Paradigms often operate at an unconscious level, yet they determine to a large degree our attitudes and behaviors. They serve as a filter through which we process life experiences. Data that does not fit our paradigm is screened out, never reaching our conscious mind. Information that does fit our paradigm is magnified by the process, and adds even greater support for that particular way of believing.

Paradigms, like road maps, can be great tools for speeding us along on our journey. Unfortunately, if they are outdated or inaccurate, they can send us in the wrong direction or fruitlessly driving around the same old neighborhood. When this happens we often keep trying harder to find our desired destination while feeling more and more frustrated. Even though an individual following an inaccurate or outdated paradigm may think his behavior makes perfect sense, those around him may wonder what he could possibly be thinking to make him act the way he does.

Most paradigms are developed when we are young, naïve, and relatively powerless. They are often based on the inaccurate interpretations of childhood experiences. Since they are often unconscious, they are rarely evaluated or updated. Perhaps most significantly, they are assumed to be 100 percent accurate — even when they are not.

Now that you are older, you can create and edit your own paradigms to change yourself and your life.

No More Mr Nice Guy

What stories have you been telling yourself? 


The story of “I’m too young,” “I’m too old,” “I’m uneducated,” or “I don’t have enough experience”? You will live whatever story you tell yourself, so make sure you’re telling yourself an inspiring one. Stories express meaning stronger than logical arguments and lawful formulations. Stories are the vehicles people use to give meaning to their experiences. And how you give meaning to or interpret your experiences will direct your life. No matter what you set out to do, achieving your goal will require stories. The key is to create positive and productive stories in line with your new direction in life. Your aim is to align your story with your priorities and purpose.

You will never fulfill a good purpose by living a bad story. Not only can you program your mind with a story—you can program someone else’s mind.

You will never fulfill a good purpose by living a bad story. Eventually, I recognized the bad stories playing in my head and decided to create a new story: “You are new and fresh to this field, which means you have more enthusiasm and can think outside the box more easily. Every question you don’t know the answer to is a chance to learn and enhance your expertise. You are already successful in this situation.

Not only can you program your mind with a story—you can program someone else’s mind. A study at Princeton University found that when two people communicate through storytelling, neural activity becomes almost synchronous: the listener’s brain activity mirrors that of the speaker’s brain with a one-second lag.11 Another study from the University of Missouri has shown that storytelling improves communication skills and prevents disease progression in patients with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia.

Storytelling is also used as a form of psychotherapy called narrative therapy.13 It’s based on narrative psychology, a viewpoint asserting that human beings shape their lives with stories. Narrative therapists work with their patients to develop better stories. In this process, a narrative therapist asks a patient questions to generate vivid descriptions of the patient’s life events. The key is that the therapist will only ask questions that prompt positive descriptions not currently included in the plot of the patient’s problematic story. This process helps people increase happiness and improve self-confidence by giving them happier, more empowering stories to live out. Narrative therapy has been shown to effectively treat a variety of psychological disorders, including major depression and anorexia.

Achieve your biggest goals in life by being the hero of your story, not the spectator, loser, or victim. Instead of seeing yourself as a grunt struggling uphill against the world, start seeing yourself as an adventurer, teacher, and connector of ideas and people. Actively choose the stories influencing your life and be the hero.Be aware of what stories you identify with and how they may be influencing your own. If your story is not inspiring you, it’s time to change it.

Seize the pen. It’s time to get real. It’s time to write a new story for your life. This story will be something that generations of people will read and be inspired by. This story will be bold, strong, and meaningful. This is your story.

Before you begin, find a place where you can be completely alone. You need to be alone so you are not influenced by any feelings of guilt, insecurity, or embarrassment. Realize other people’s expectations can limit you mentally, even from a distance. When you are ready, start reflecting on the times in your life when you felt the most inspired.


Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Can Create a Powerful Purpose for Their Lives

Don’t be afraid to let go of your old priorities

Most people have been guided by the same core priorities for years. They are so attached to their current priorities that to change even one of them would be like cutting off a body part. Some people identify so strongly with their current priorities, they knowingly sacrifice their biggest goals to avoid dealing with the temporary pain of change.

A few years ago, I went through the process of determining the top six core priorities that were guiding my life. After a lot of self-reflection, which included digging into the strengths I valued in myself and in others,

Putting my priorities down on paper was not easy. In fact, it was painful. I didn’t like some of the items on my list and I was embarrassed by others. But I was determined to be completely honest with myself. I cannot begin to describe the level of clarity and insight I achieved by making this list. Suddenly, I was able to see why I did the things that I did. I finally understood the drivers behind the decisions and actions that shaped my life.

You are in control of your priorities—you can erase old priorities and define new priorities at will.


My long-held priorities were what got me to my current position, but they were not going to get me to my future position. The first and most important priority that I added to my new list was presence. Without presence of mind, self-awareness, and being able to be present in the moment, I would not be able to enjoy any of my pursuits. I would also not be able to see all of the opportunities around me. Second, I added both openness and relationships to my list. If I wanted to be an effective author, I would have to learn to be uncomfortably vulnerable, transparent, and authentic. This openness would help me connect with other people, including my audience, fans, and readers. By valuing relationships, I would stay focused on building lasting connections that would add meaning to my life and the lives of others.

Then I added contribution to the list, which would help me redefine success and achievement. With contribution as one of my core priorities, I would stop asking, “How can I get ahead?” and start asking, “How can I add value?” Focusing on contribution would help me stay focused on building, creating, giving, and leaving a legacy.

Lastly, I added strategy to my list. Strategy meant staying focused on my long-term goal. I would be a strategist consumed with purpose rather than a tactician consumed with instant gratification. Valuing foresight in this way would prevent me from wasting my time. It would also encourage me to be more intelligent, patient, and wise. Most importantly, I would stop engaging in battles that did not matter.

While many of my priorities changed, vitality stayed exactly the same. I firmly believe that vitality should be near the top of everyone’s list. Your new purpose may be important, but it’s useless if you are unhealthy, sick, or dead. Of course, you can leave a legacy from the grave, but while you’re here on Earth, the healthier you are, the more effective you are.

You never lose your strengths. 


Finding and fulfilling your purpose requires you to define your core priorities and develop new ones. There is no loss; you are merely adding to your repertoire. You are in control of your priorities—you can erase old priorities and define new priorities at will. The key is to define your new priorities with words that inspire you. Choose words that fill you with hope and energy, and drastically impact your decisions and actions. In this way, you will align your current life with your new purpose and guard yourself against distracting activities and emotions.


Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Can Create a Powerful Purpose for Their Lives

“Accept everything about yourself—I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end—no apologies, no regrets.” Henry A. Kissinger

The only way to get to where you want to go is to ruthlessly evaluate where you are now. The key here is that your biggest obstacle in life is always yourself—not external factors.

Define where you are and what you have, without prejudice, and you will be ready to fulfill your purpose in life, and seeing your current position clearly is the first step to moving forward and making your life better.

The only way to define your current reality is to completely erase the past and disregard the pull of emotions from your mind.

Every decision that you make during the day is colored by your past experiences and your emotions. Usually, this is a good thing, because it keeps you from repeating the same mistakes. However, in order to define where you are right now, in this exact moment, you must forget the past and treat your emotions as a disease. Any feelings—especially those of fear, anger, sadness, or guilt—will prevent you from objectively measuring your current station in life.


Once your mind is totally clear and in the present, imagine you were dropped from the sky into your current life as it stands right now. See your life from the viewpoint of an astronaut returning to the Earth after hundreds of years in outer space. How would a complete stranger describe your life right now, with no knowledge of past successes and failures, and no knowledge of your emotions and desires? Carefully measure your assets and liabilities, your strengths and your limitations, as well as those of your connections.

Complete this exercise from both a personal and a professional perspective. For example, if you are an award-winning chef, make a note of the cooking skills you have, as well as those you lack. However, ignore your past awards because they are of no use to you in the present.

Where is there opportunity for personal and professional growth in your life right now, in this moment, with no regard to your past?

Keep your emotions turned off but let your past come into play. What have you accomplished? What have you failed to accomplish? Ignore excuses or rationalizations that come into your head. Ignore your emotions and any attempts that your mind makes to justify what you are in the process of accomplishing. Refuse to evade reality by pretending things are one way when they are really another. Only then will you be able to see where you stand and how far you are from achieving your goal. Take careful notice of your victories and your defeats. Are there any patterns? What have you been particularly successful at? Do your failures have anything in common?

Now that you know where you stand, embrace it. Realize that only you are responsible for both the good and bad in your life. It is your own bad strategies—not God, the universe, or the unfair opponent—that are to blame for your failures. This mindset will free you from excuses and open your mind to the numerous possibilities existing in your life. Instead of getting defensive about past mistakes and failures, learn from them and search out new opportunities to face and similar challenges to surmount. Once you do this, you will start creating your own second chances.


Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Can Create a Powerful Purpose for Their Lives

3 magic questions for identifying desires 

The following 3 questions are my favorites because they are extremely effective for generating ideas for your life desires list.

1.      How would you live your life if you had a billion dollars? People often limit their desires by thinking about their current salary, savings or job. Thinking about this question will allow you to identify what you would do, have or be if money wasn’t a problem. To live the life of your dreams, you first need to understand how the life of your dreams looks. Once you identify clearly what you really dream about, you will be able to develop a plan for fulfilling a dream no matter what your current circumstances are.

2.      If you were guaranteed success, what would you do? People often limit their desires by thinking about potential failures and obstacles. This question will allow you to decide which desires would make your life more fulfilling if you were guaranteed success.

The answers to this question are certainly great candidates for your 100 dreams list and once fulfilled will make your life an exciting adventure.

3.      Remember all the moments in your life when you felt alive, excited and happy. How could you bring more such moments to your life? You have experienced a lot of happy moments in the past that psychologist Abraham Maslow has identified as “peak experiences.” One of your aims in life is to enjoy as many happy moments as possible. If you clearly understand what caused these happy moments in the past, you will have ideas for desires that need to be added to your dreams list in order to experience more of these peak experiences in the future.


The Achievement Factory: How to Fulfill Your Dreams and Make Life an Adventure

“What recommendation can you give to a person who wants to make his or her life more exciting?”

First, live your life as an adventure story. You are both a writer and a main character of the book describing the story of your life, and if the plot is interesting you will be excited to wake up every morning and take part in adventures.

Secondly, live your life as a competition. Raise your standards and aim for continual progress in important areas of your life. No matter in which area of life you want to become better, today you compete with yesterday’s you and tomorrow you will compete with today’s you.

Finally, live your life as an exploration. Explore the world by doing what you have never done before, by visiting places you have never been to before, by meeting people you haven’t known before. The biggest breakthroughs in life happen when you expand your comfort zone and explore the world beyond the border of what you are familiar with. Often people are afraid of going outside of their comfort zone, however in 99% of cases what they fear isn’t dangerous at all. Ask yourself: “What do I fear to do, but will bring me joy if I do it?” Live your life as an exploration, expand your comfort zone, experiment and you will have an exciting life.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. – George Bernard Shaw

The only thing you can control is your actions. No matter how bad the circumstances are it is always possible to get what you want; however, to get it you need to believe in the statement: “I am 100% responsible for everything that happens in my life. My actions, not the circumstances, create my future.”

The biggest reason why people fail is not their lack of abilities but their lack of belief in their abilities. No matter what you believe in, your brain will look for confirmations that you are right and will eventually find them. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

The magical invocation that successful people use to achieve their goals is “I can.” On the way to your goal tell yourself “I can” every day, and if anybody ever says “You can’t” say “I can.” You can achieve literally whatever you want if you have a big enough desire and belief that you can.

There is a significant difference between, “I wish to achieve my goal” and “I am committed to achieve my goal.” If you wish to achieve your goal it means, “I will accept it if it falls into my lap.” You will do what is easy and convenient on the way to the goal, but once faced with difficulties you will find excuses and give up.

However, if you decide to be committed, it means, “I will achieve my goal no matter what. Failure is not an option.” Commitment is when you have burned the ships and there is no room for a backup in your mind.

Having a plan B is dangerous, because if you have it you won’t do 100% of what you can to implement your plan A.

The secret of incredible commitment is simple: “Determine which dream could have the biggest positive impact on your happiness. Make a promise to yourself to fulfill this dream no matter how difficult it is.”

100 dreams exercise 

Write down all your dreams 


Your task is to write down a minimum of 100 desires that you would ask a genie to fulfill if you had a magic lamp. This could be literally anything: small desires, big desires, physical possessions, relationships, achievements or experiences. Imagine what your perfect life would look like and think about which desires would bring you from where you are to the life in your imagination. 


Spend at least 1 hour thinking about what you would want if there were no limitations and you could get and achieve anything. Don’t worry about making this list perfect, as you will be able to change or update it in the future. The most important thing in this exercise is the quantity of desires, which should be not less than 100.

You will probably write the first 20 desires really quickly because they are at the top of your mind. Once you exhaust desires you have thought about before, your subconscious will begin really thinking.  Desires that are between numbers 60 and 100 are usually the most original desires that you haven’t considered before.

According to research done by Dominican University, people who just think about their goals achieve them with 43% probability. People who not only think about their goals but also write down their goals achieve them with 61% probability. Finally, people who write down their goals, create action plans and check progress weekly increase their chances for success to 76%. Isn’t that impressive that just by thinking about what you want you can achieve your goal with 43% probability and writing down your goal increases this probability by another 20%?

The Achievement Factory: How to Fulfill Your Dreams and Make Life an Adventure